Come to find out: that was a mistake.
Here is the thing about this story: it's not easy to describe. If I were to tell you all the elements and quirks and characters without the proper emotional setting, it sounds bizarre and doesn't make much sense. There are miracles and light and a flying guardian angel horse. Heck, Will Smith plays Lucifer. (Yep, Lucifer.) When you look at the individual elements of this story - like I did in February - it just seems like something that would never, ever work.
And yet, cohesively, it does, and I kind of absolutely loved it.
I'd liken it to a Neil Gaiman tale: historical fiction meets fantasy meets romance meets science fiction. Parts of this story aren't ever fully explained and require a major suspension of disbelief, and yet it's a really beautiful film that actually made me cry. And that score...Hans Zimmer and Harry Gregson-Williams' score is simply impeccable.
To anyone who might have heard this movie is strange, I'm here to tell you it is...but it's absolutely worth it. This BTS gives a slightly more accurate vibe of the film: