It doesn’t mean I’ve already forgotten. Far from it. I still have a lot of ugly things to face, and I don't intend to hide from them. There will be difficult days, there will be emotional breakdowns, there will be struggles. I will allow them to come, be patient with my healing and forgive myself when I slip.
But today, I had a realization that slapped me in the face: if this precious, lost child were to stand before me right now, what kind of person would I want them to see staring back at them? For the first time in a long while, I felt absolute certainty:
by consciously deciding to be the kind of person
that child would be proud to call his/her mother.
It is said that tragedy can remind you of your blessings, and when I look around me, I see blessings everywhere. Our heartbreak - harsh and unjustified though it may be - does not negate our joy. Instead, it adds depth and appreciation to the story of our life. If my husband and I choose to focus only on the pain and confusion, all the good gets washed away, and we are the ones who suffer. We will always carry this scar, but we choose to make it a reminder not only of hurt, but also of hope. To honor the legacy of our child, we choose to continue to live the kind of lives that would be deserving of that honor.
People may never get to meet you,
but when they meet your parents,
they'll know how special you would've been.
We promise.
4 responses:
This brought tears to my eyes. I know your child would be proud to have you as his or her mother. Know that I'm still praying for you and your husband continually.
What an incredible post.
Me too, absolutely the truth. You are in my prayers continually and I love you so much Lisa & Michael.
I know this response is belated, and I feel like there are no words that can even come close to being enough for what you are going through. But I wanted you to know that I care deeply and you are continually in my prayers!
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