native Seattle girl . 33 years old . blissfully married . city girl . wanderluster . interior designer . travel writer . cockeyed optimist . coloratura soprano . theatre enthusiast . proud police wife . zumba addict . architecture fiend . hopeless Anglophile . committed Christian . politically moderate . history nut . Starbucks addict . bookworm . wordsmith . filmophile . music geek . museum rat . not-so-closet shopaholic . student of drawing, dance, cooking, photography and languages . value life experience far above financial worth . appreciative of living healthy, but not at the expense of chocolate . never want to stop learning, laughing and seeing the beauty in all that is around me.
For more on that aforementioned wanderlust problem, click here.
15 October 2012
Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. But to be honest, the brave face wasn't around when I woke up this morning. Today, I'm just tired of the fight.
Infertility seems to be everywhere right now. You'd think I'd be pleased that it is growing awareness, lessening the attached stigmas. But the truth is I'm not pleased. Not at all. The last thing in the world I want to think about is more infertility.
And sometimes, the timing is downright cruel. As Murphy's Law would have it, I had to endure watching HIMYM's Robin face infertility literally as I was lying on the sofa, miscarrying our baby. In fact, that stupid sitcom episode was the thing that broke my dam. I sat alone, in front of that stupid TV screen, and absolutely fell apart, sobbing right along with Robin.
Furthermore, I've decided premarital counseling is insufficient. Counselors always prudently includes the question, "How many children do you want? Discuss this with your soon-to-be spouse." That's not good enough. They need to also include, "How would you feel if you faced infertility?" Because believe me, just because you both might see your future family similarly, that doesn't mean you see the achieving of it similarly, and the struggles infertility forces you to face with your spouse are enough to test the best of marriages. I hate infertility even more for simply making us face these decisions.
Today, I don't feel strong. Today, I'm just so, so, so very sick of this journey.
*HUGS* Infertility is a complete, total, and utter beating. Going through the grieving process each month is exhausting and is absolutely depressing. I have my good days. I have my days that I can say, "You know what? I don't need kids. I'm cool." However, those thoughts are only coping mechanisms that help me to protect my heart from breaking even more than it has. I know that nothing that anyone can say can completely fill the void and sadness that you feel, but know that you seem to have a husband who loves you no matter what!! The only phrase that I can repeat to myself each day is "Just keep swimming!" Big hugs and know that you have great thoughts and prayers being sent your way through the internet!!! :)
3 comments:
I'm here when you need me. Always.
I am so sorry for your loss and what you are strugling through.
I think your brave face was around today. It takes strength and courage to express how you feel, and to do it with so much grace.
*HUGS* Infertility is a complete, total, and utter beating. Going through the grieving process each month is exhausting and is absolutely depressing. I have my good days. I have my days that I can say, "You know what? I don't need kids. I'm cool." However, those thoughts are only coping mechanisms that help me to protect my heart from breaking even more than it has. I know that nothing that anyone can say can completely fill the void and sadness that you feel, but know that you seem to have a husband who loves you no matter what!! The only phrase that I can repeat to myself each day is "Just keep swimming!" Big hugs and know that you have great thoughts and prayers being sent your way through the internet!!! :)
~Erin :)
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